I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
