Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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