woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
