i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
