Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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