He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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