Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
