You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
