There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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