turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
