Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
