He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I need water and some morals
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
