I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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