I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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