and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
