I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
