You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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