Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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