I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Randomize
