someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
