dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
