A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
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