i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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