The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
