im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
