That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I need moral support for this bender
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
