Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize