I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Randomize