my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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