How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
If I die, sorry about rent.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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