I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
The adults are the big ones right?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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