no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
someone owes me an orgasm
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
