I want to have your abortion
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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