If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
