I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
