Where are you?
In a non slutty way
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
