his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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