thus making me awesome and them whores
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
