the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
