Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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