The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
