The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
i drank out of a bidet.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
