they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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