i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
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