The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
