'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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