Only a mothe r could love this liver
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
it hurts more in the daytime
Is it because I queefed?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
