you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize