Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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