it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
She bit a glass in half.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
