sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
