On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
