a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
