ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Swine flu is the new snow day.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I don't deserve a penis
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
