I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
