guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
