In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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