I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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