Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
