u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
