well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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