He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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