Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Randomize
