i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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