He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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