I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
