I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
