What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
