My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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