You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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