Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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