were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
